****Notice****

The following chapter is from my book, If it Weren't for Eve, I'd be a Perfect Wife.  Unfortunately circumstances have changed my marital status.

I've wrestled with what to do with this page. I believe that the 19 years I was married were not in vain. We produced 8 wonderful children, and learned a lot about God along the way...and we are both still learning.

I've decided to keep the excerpt from my book on this page, as I believe the truths I learned are still there, and will continue to help married women draw closer to their husbands.

Even though Steve and I are no longer together, I do believe in marriage....and I believe in my God who can heal even the worst of situations. He has allowed me to melt into Him, as He carried me through.

********************************

 I remember once telling my husband, before we got married that I thought he was perfect. He quickly put me in my place and reminded me that no one was perfect. To which I, in the greatest form of argument I could muster, in order to win, replied, "Oh, I didn't mean you are perfect, I meant you are perfect for me." Still stumbling over my words, never wanting to lose a verbal argument, I then continued, "What I mean is, together, we make a perfect pair."
There! I won.
To which he responded, "No one is perfect." Okay, he won. But I wanted the "romantic aren't we perfect" scene and he wanted the "reality" scene. I wasn't so sure a realist was exactly what I wanted. After all, I'm am idealist. Idealists and romanticists go together, not idealists and realists. Or so I thought.
Well, I married him anyway, even if he didn't think I was perfect and he was determined to be sure I didn't think he was perfect. His determination paid off, I did, indeed, discover he was not perfect. But, he already knew that I wasn't perfect so he was fine with the whole idea. Except that he didn't realize I really don't like to do dishes on a meal by meal basis. It's one of those crisis management jobs for me. When we have no clean dishes to eat off of, the paper plates are gone, and we are NOT going to go to the store to buy MORE dishes, that's the time to wash dishes.
He eventually came to accept my lack of training in the house keeping department and I began to have a ten minute pickup time before he got home, being especially watchful for the stray Lego that would be certain to show up under his foot as soon as he took off his shoes. He even was able to accept my idealistic tendencies. And I soon realized that a realist and an idealist do make for very good mates.
As much as it would bug me when he would tell me that paying sixteen hundred dollars a month for the five-bedroom house was out of our budget. "Oh, but it's such a lovely house." I began to see that God would use Steve to protect our family and our marriage, as long as I was his helpmeet and not his "help make him change his mind-meet." He has learned that when I come to him and say, "Wouldn't it be neat to..."; he will be soon asking me to submit to him. By the way, he has never said to me, "You will submit."
Just the other day he said to me, "You know, you'd be perfect if it wasn't for that one fault."

I hesitantly asked him what that one fault was. Would you like me to tell you what he said?

I might tell you. But, you're going to have to wait until the end of this to find out. Because first I would like to point out that he has gone from saying "nobody's perfect" to saying I'm about as close as they come. In his book anyway. So I may not have won the argument way back then in 1985, but in 2001 he has almost changed his mind. The funny thing is, we both remember that conversation in 1985. I've often wished I could get into his brain to find out what HE remembers of the conversation.

One other thing I have learned from being married for 15 years, is that my husband has a really poor memory. And I have this problem, not a fault that would keep me from being a perfect wife, but a simple problem in that I like to be right. I like to prove I am right. And I want everyone to admit that I am right. I grew up in a home with a lawyer for a father. I suppose that has something to do with a realization that occurred at some point in our marriage. Without evidence, you will never get the jury to side with you. The jury being my husband, the evidence being, a tape recording that he actually did say what I KNOW he said, but he is adamant he didn't say it.

Are you still following me? I realized that unless I taped every conversation we ever had, I would not be able to win the battle of the memory. I have learned that giving up the battle is not the same as losing the war. In fact, quite the opposite is true. If I give up the battle, I have won the war. The war is a marriage that can easily falter if allowed to sit on open sores. I've determined if we are doing battle over a memory with no evidence, after two, "I am right and you are wrongs", if he is still absolutely sure he is right. I will admit defeat, and say, "You know, there is no way to prove it, so we will just forget it." Did I say I admit defeat?

What I meant was . . . The key for me though is that I cannot say we will forget it and keep holding on. That would mean defeat. But not for Steve. It would mean defeat for me. Now, I know you're dying to know what my one fault is that keeps me from being a perfect wife is. So, shamefacedly, I am going to tell you what he said was my ONE fault that keeps me from being the perfect one. The ONE fault I have is ...I don't fix spaghetti enough for dinner. Now if I could just fix that problem. I would be perfect! ~